Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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