How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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