So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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