It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
