Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
