I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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