this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
