i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
