Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
