Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Panties = found
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
