so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
