I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
