Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
