I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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