well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
