there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
