hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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