direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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