am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
