okay pat passed out under dana's car
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
