Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
