i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His hands were made for my vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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