That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
