is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
