Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
