Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
