i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
