i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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