I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
