sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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