last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
