420 ftw
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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