yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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