Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
