remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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