Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
