He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
