ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
