She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
