A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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