They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
