I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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