is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I party with great urgency now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
