Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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