In the future we'll all be gay
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
