Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
