i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
