Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
