the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
