My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
