just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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